Monthly Archives: June 2013

June 29, 2013

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Our movie of the week was The Impossible, a 2012 English-language Spanish drama based on a family’s experience in the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami. The cast included Naomi Watts and Ewan McGregor.  I don’t know about you, but when I watch disaster films I expect disaster, not touchy-feely-oh-everybody-lived-isn’t-that-wonderful.  Body count people.  Body count.  Don’t expect to see any more than 3-4 corpses in this film though.  Call me a hardass (that would be you, G.), but I was hoping for hundreds.  Nope.  Not in this film.  This is an awwww…sniff…sniff film.  Bleh.  Go rent The Towering Inferno or either of the Poseidon movies if you want a fun disaster movie because frankly I found this film impossible.

mountain monsters

Our TV show of the night.  Mountain Monsters.  Ever hear of this one?  It consists of a bunch of unhealthy, unwashed men lumbering through the woods after “monsters” whilst yelling “sho nuff” and “sumna bitch” almost continuously.  I’m thinking that anything they’re hunting has heard them more than a mile away.  Sho ’nuff.  What was tonight’s creature?  The Ohio Grassman.  Grassman?  My first thought was a renegade marijuana grower.  My second was a creature made of grass, the legal kind.  Kinda like the Swamp Creature I guess.  The Ohio Grassman it turns out is Bigfoot.  Ho hum.  The most frightening part of this show was when one of the men shucked off his shoe to reveal a size 14 foot with a set of toenails that appear not to have been clipped since Reagan was president.  There’s your f-ing monster boys!

I know I’ll have nightmares!

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Aside

I woke up from a dream this morning thinking that the effects of nerve gas and children on human adults are approximately the same.  So I checked “effects of nerve gas” on Google and it turns out I was right.  Just substitute the word “children” for “nerve agents.”

The effects of nerve agents are very long lasting and increase with successive exposures.

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Update on Christian Mingle

My friend G. made some suggestions for the “Fall in love” request and I added them to my post in bold face.  All we are missing is one for Protestant.  Anyone?

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Tirade

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I dislike all online dating site commercials, but lately the Christian Mingle commercials have really been getting on my nerves.  For a start, the Christian Mingle theme song bugs me.  It sounds like some dumb woman will go running to the first man who clicks her profile, sob uncontrollably whilst falling to her knees and proclaim that she wants to fall in love with him while he stands there patting her on the head saying “there, there my good woman.  Now take off your shoes and get to work in that kitchen.”

So, I looked up the lyrics to the song I Want To Fall In Love With You by Jars of Clay.  The song actually means that she will go running to God and fall in love with him.  Well that’s all fine and good, but I don’t think dating is going to be a viable factor in this relationship.

Next is that dumb tag line.  “Fall in love they way God intended.”  So, God created the Christian Mingle web site?  Wouldn’t he just rather you popped off to church on a more regular basis?

And while we’re at it, how about some religious equality?

Protestant Mingle

Lutheran Mingle – Don’t say anything and maybe it’ll happen

Catholic Mingle – You can finally have sex, but only after you’re married

Jewish Mingle – Fall in love before your long-suffering mother gives up on you

Pagan Mingle – Having changed your name to ‘Galadriel Silverberry’ will actually work with this crowd!

Wiccan Mingle – See above

Agnostic Mingle – Don’t fall in love until you have proof

Atheist Mingle – Fall in love like a normal person, by socializing.

Wacky Religious Cult Mingle – Fall in love the way your cult leader demands

Satanists Mingle – Fall in love the way the devil intended

If any of my faithful readers can add “Fall in love” comments to this list, please do so in comments.  I would love to read them.

Thank you for putting up with my rant.  We will continue our regularly scheduled posts soon.

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June 24, 2013

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Born to be Killers: The Complexity of Abnormal Human Behavior – Time Warner Books, copyright 2004 by Time Warner

The subtitle of this book The Complexity of Abnormal Human Behavior leads one to believe that this is more of a dissertation on the human psyche than a common, dirty-details of death book.  Sadly (or happily) depending on your preference, this is a common book which only reiterates stories of murder found in better written books.

The Devil in the White City is a better book in every aspect.  Better author, better written and possibly a better subject.  But Born to be Killers is a better read when you are sleepless at 4:30 a.m. nursing an icy Bud Light and a penchant for high body counts.

So, to the tune of My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music

Assaults with knife fights and blunt pistol whippings,

Things that are printed in grubby news clippings.

Asphyxiation with twine or with string,

These are a few of my favorite things!

An now for a few of my favorite sections from said book:

1.  Chapter on Martin Bryant.  The author claims that the reader certainly would have heard of mass murderer Martin Bryant as his rampage in Port Arthur, Tasmania in 1996 received worldwide coverage.  To which I reply Who the HELL is Martin Bryant?  This is Martin Bryant

Image  I think nothing more needs to be said about THAT mug!  However, if you too did not know of Martin Bryant’s escapades go to:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_Arthur_massacre_%28Australia%29

2.  Peter Manuel.  In the chapter on serial killer Peter Manuel, the author tells how he (Peter) hailed a cab, driven by Sydney Dunn, in Newcastle-upon-Tyne.  Or, more specifically written, a taxi driven by Sydney Dunn, “who recalled later that it was very dark night and the streets were empty because of the stormy weather.”  Sydney Dunn recalled this?  The very same Sydney Dunn found dead alongside his abandoned taxi the very next day?  What the hell?  Pushing Daisies is actually a documentary?

And yet this man has published books while I’m still 2 months without a job.  Quite clearly I need to offer my services as editor to Time Warner Books.

We’re off.  Say Goodnight Bishop.

SN851005

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June 23, 2013

I just received the July/August edition of Bookmarks Magazine (For Everyone Who Hasn’t Read Everything) thanks to the generosity of my good friend G.

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It is also, apparently, for the cat who hasn’t slept on everything.  My actual point of all this is, if you don’t have a generous friend to get you a subscription to this great magazine, splurge and get one for yourself!

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Finally finished this book thank some religious deity or other.  So, in summary, two natural deaths and one frame-up for a death.  Not much of a mystery if you ask me, which is good because the characters in this book are too busy eating, drinking copiously and getting it on with each other to actually get any work done.

My next book due to be read is for my nonfiction book group:

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The Devil in the White City:  Murder, Magic and Madness at the Fair That Changed America by Erik Larson, copyright 2003, published by Vintage Books (2 maps and some photos included).

This plot of this book intertwines the true tale of two men–the architect behind the 1893 World’s Fair; and the cunning serial killer who used the fair to lure his victims to their death.

Architects = dull

Serial Killers = most excellent

We shall see what this book has to offer.

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On a final note, I was watching Deadly Ambition on the Biography Channel.  A man calls 9-1-1 after finding his wife bleeding out on the garage floor.  the 9-1-1 operator asks him if his wife is conscious.  He replies “I don’t think so.”  The operator then asks if his wife is breathing, to which he answers “No.”  Sir, if your wife is not breathing, its a pretty good guess that SHE IS NOT CONSCIOUS EITHER!  So if your wife is not breathing and the 9-1-1 operator asks if she is conscious, you answer NO.

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June 21, 2013

diamondbacks

Watching the Diamondbacks.  They’re actually winning, bottom of the 7th, 11 to 4.  They are, of course, entirely capable of blowing it in the 9th with a pitcher from the bullpen, but it looks like tacos tomorrow for those who can stand the cardboard cutouts at Taco Bell.  You want good tacos, go to Le Casita de Molina, not Taco Bell.  You want free, be prepared for cardboard.  If you want to pay for cardboard, go to Golden Corral.

the monitorNow for The Monitor, our Norwegian horror film, which must have been filmed with some Norwegian wood if you Beatles fans know what I mean.  My husband noticed right away that Swedish actress Noomi Rapace (Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) was staring.  Trust him to recognize a pair of boobs.  I think the woman is way to skinny and needs to be force fed cheeseburgers for a month.  At one point in the film, she fit into her 8-year-old son’s shirt!  That’s just wrong and kinda freaky.  But I digress.  This is no horror film.  This is no film.  It is a 2 hour exercise in confusion and learning to say “huh?” in various inflections.

cannibal As far as Cannibals and Evil Cut Killers, I have nothing further to say.  I finished the book and damn well deserve a medal for having done so.  This book is crap.  It is also inconsistent and ill-researched crap.  If you ever come across it, put it down and find something better to read, something like “Welcome Home Charlie Brown.”

dark vineyard

The last book we will be discussing tonight is The Dark Vineyard, this month’s pick for the mystery book club.  As far as I can figure out, the book is about the arson of a crop of genetically altered soybeans, some sour grapes and one truffle omelette.

The French may find this sort of “mystery” heart pounding, but I for one, do not.  I am on page 173 of a 303 page book and only now do 2 corpses show up (most likely natural deaths).  Call that a mystery?  Trying to discover where my cats hid their last puke is a greater mystery!

And know you know the rest of the story.

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