June 11, 2013

Cannibals and Evil Cult Killers:  The Most Unthinkable and Heinous Crimes (the darkest, innermost, secrets of cannibals and evil cult killers are revealed), Time Warner Books, copyright 2006

As no part of this book may be reproduced, I’ll have to paraphrase much of my work.  However, there is no way I’m going to paraphrase this gem!

The views presented in this publication are those of the author.  The information is provided solely on the basis that readers will be responsible for making their own assessments of the matters discussed and are advised to consult a professional to verify all relevant representations, statements and information obtained from this book.

What that tells me is the author couldn’t be bothered to do proper research.  As for a professional?  Don’t worry, I’ll point out exactly where and how this book fails miserably.  And as far as failing, this book is gem.

Let’s start with the title.  What were they thinking?  That if they put the word “evil” and “heinous” in often enough we’d have to believe the contents were true?  They already sound like one of those losers on COPS trying to convince the police of their story.  “No really esse, there’s evil and heinous crimes being committed out there.  Evil esse, evil!”

Where do we go from here?  Why to the Introduction of Cannibalism and a section entitled Psychology Behind Cannibalism.  And what, pray, causes cannibalism?  Why mommy of course!  Problems with weaning or over-nurturing causes baby to want to eat mommy.  You know, I thought we’d gotten past Freud and his sexual hangups.  So, Strike One!

The Next Section, Cannibalism Around the World will be discussed in the next post as this is a sizable book.  Bishop (pictured below) says more reading, less typing and chill a Mike’s Lemonade pleeze.  We’re off!

June 10, 2013

My latest taste test was Ace Perry Hard Cider from the California Cider Company.  Unlike the Mr. Pineapple beer, I could actually taste the fruit in this drink.  I found the cider to be crisp and smooth, and as Gollum would say, “Drink it, drink it, while we can!”  It is a little known fact that in the first draft of the Lord of The Rings, Gollum dragged a cooler around with him and still had a few Ace Perry Hard Ciders inside when he ran into Frodo and Sam in Emyn Muil.

Cursed in New England:  Stories of Damned Yankees by Joseph A.Citro

I wouldn’t say this was a very good book overall, but it had it moments.  I tend to get giddy when a book I’m reading ties in with another book I’m reading or one I’ve just read.  Not only was there a tie in between this book and Haunted Happenings as posted earlier, but also with Great Lakes Shipwrecks & Survivors.  Really, I’m giddy!  This coincidence concerns a couple of ships named Phoenix.  You’d think they’d quit using this as it never lives up to its name.  No matter how often a Phoenix has sunk, it has never risen again.

Our first Phoenix in Cursed in New England was a 146-foot paddle wheeler that went down in flames on Lake Champlain in 1819.  Phoenix (#2) Great Lakes Shipwrecks & Survivors was a propeller boat that went down in flames on Lake Michigan in 1847.

Now, if two ships named Phoenix going down in flames isn’t odd enough, both their captains, Capt. Jehaziel Sherman (Phoenix #1) and Capt. G. B. Sweet (Phoenix #2), became incapacitated on the first day of travel and the ships were taken over by the first mates.  Synchronicity or mere coincidence?

My biggest complaint towards Mr. Citro is his use of the adjective “mucus-colored” to describe storm clouds.  One wonders what mucus-colored clouds drop.

City of Bones by Michael Connelly, copyright 2002, published by Little, Brown

This book was lent to me by my friend D.  Apparently Mr. Connelly is quite popular, having written Lincoln Lawyer.  I’ve neither read Lincoln Lawyer nor seen the movie, but as for City of Bones, it should be called City of Boredom.  Serious snooze time here folks.  ‘Nuff said.

Death Race 3 Inferno is the next movie that has been ordered by Netflix by the hubby. After seeing some previews, I feel this movie should be titled Tits and Tires.  I will not be reviewing this movie as I have to change the cat litter that night or some such thing.

I am now going to go read, and you’re not going to believe this title:

Cannibals and Evil Cult Killers:  The Most Unthinkable and Heinous Crimes (the darkest, innermost, secrets of cannibals and evil cult killers are revealed).

I’m pretty sure this is one of the longest book titles I’ve ever come across.  And just so you know, the longest song title is:  How could you believe me when I said I loved you when you know I’ve been a liar all my life?

Fun facts people.  I look forward to your comments.

My Cat’s Post

This was a much longer post, but my cat Motorbutt (pictured below), slapped his tuckus down on my keyboard and deleted what I had worked on for hours while adding a lovely line of H’s.  So I will just be posting what’s left and start over fresh tomorrow with the rest.

Yesterday I cleaned my bathroom.  Hours later there’s cat fur on the toilet seat.  Not the lid, which is kept down, but the seat.  What the hell?  What they doing?  Sneaking in for a sit down and a look at Playcat?  Sorry, but detailed photos are unavailable.  HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHwas a 146-foot paddle wheeler that went down in flames on Lake Champlain in 1819.

<————  Guilty Party.  His Bling will be taken away.

June 8, 2013

I haven’t posted for a while and I apologize.  The hubby took a one week vacation and a good time was had by all.  Such a good time in fact, that I failed to post on my blog.  I shall now rectify that.  Let’s begin with cleanliness.

I’m told that cleanliness is next to godliness, but in my dictionary cleanliness is below cleaner, above clean room and across from clerk.  What is next to godliness or at least next to divine are Artemesia soaps, salts and scrubs.  These are locally made by a lovely woman whom I met at a party at D.’s and who was kind enough to give me a free sample.  And what’s more is Ms. Conklin does not just make any soaps, she makes Cerveza, Cabernet Sauvignon, Mojito and Strawberries with Sparkling Wine along with many others.  For those of you who religiously (and cleanly) read my blog (and you know who you are G.), how could you pass that up?  Having personally used the sample I was given as well as the sample the hubby was given, I can assure you that these are high quality and beautifully scented soaps.  For everyone who loves a good soap, Ms. Conklin’s web site is http://www.byArtemesia.com and is permanently linked to my site under Links to Cool Sites.

Go check her out.  She does soaps, oils, lotions, gift ideas and more!

Now, for beer.

This is Mr. Pineapple Wheat Beer from SanTan Brewing Co., Chandler, AZ.  Pineapple?  Pineapple?  I eventually had to send in a team of scientists to find the pineapple because my taste buds sure couldn’t, so this is false advertising as far as I’m concerned.  I thought I recognized the brewing company SanTan so I checked previous posts.  Sure enough, SanTan distributes Devil’s Ale, the nastiest beer I’ve tasted yet.  People who drink beers brewed by SanTan probably also like Harry Potter Bertie Bott Jelly Beans, vomit flavor.

And finally, this week’s movie – The Awakening

In post-World War I England, a boarding school haunted by a boy’s ghost calls on Florence Cathcart, who disproves hoaxes for a living. But Cathcart senses something truly strange about the school, leading her to question her belief in the rational.

You know, I really hate when a movie or book fails to give me a definitive answer on what happens to characters at the end of the film.  Don’t leave me to guess or speculate as this just leads to frustration.  Stop.  It.  However, if you enjoy reading Lovecraft (who is guilty of the same crime), you might enjoy the rampant confusion of this film.  Probably not though.

June 2, 2013

A rather dull day beer-wise.  I had one celebratory Michelob Ultra for managing to figure out how to configure my notebook to work with my dad’s monitor, keyboard and mouse and two Bud Lights with dinner.  I promise to branch out at Native New Yorker this week at trivia night.

Cursed in New England:  Stories of Damned Yankees by Joseph A. Citro, copyright 2004, published by Pequot Press

Like many books published lately, I was notified that no part of [the] book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means.  No doubt a curse would be forthcoming.

If you go back to when I first started this blog, you would see my posts on Haunted Happenings by Robert E. Cahill.  You remember Mr. Cahill?  The guy who took photos of Barbie and claimed it to be a spirit?  Oddly enough, or perhaps not odd at all, Mr. Cahill features in this current books as being among the cursed.  As a one-time sheriff of Salem, he believed that he suffered from the Curse of Giles Corey, a poor sod who cursed the town of Salem and its authorities whilst he was being tortured to death for an accusation of witchcraft.

How was Mr. Cahill cursed you ask?  Well, during his tenure as Sheriff, he suffered a rare blood disease, heart attack and a stroke and was forced to retire and photograph Barbies.  He also claims that all the previous sheriffs as far back as he could trace, also suffered heart troubles.  Hum Twilight theme here.

My favorite story so far is the Curse of Black Agnes.  Black Agnes is, in my opinion, a rather attractive piece of graveyard statuary located in Montpelier, Vermont.

It is unknown why the statue became known as Black Agnes, but the rumor goes as follows:  If you dare to sit in her lap by the light of the full moon, you will suffer seven years of bad luck and possibly even death.   After further reading it turns out that Black Agnes is a carving of Thanatos, the Greek God of Death.  That’s right.  Agnes is a he.

Now for the film of the week.  I use the word film much in the same way one would call the No-Tell Motel a hotel.

The Man with the Iron Fists was written and directed by rapper RZA (which explains the bad hip-hop soundtrack) and produced by Quentin Tarantino (which explains the abundance of blood).  RZA also stars (i.e., attempts to act) in this badly written ripoff of Rocky, Enter The Dragon, X-Men and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.  Costuming was apparently provided by Hair Bands R Us.  The sales rack.

    

Russell Crowe and Lucy Lui should be embarrassed.

May 31, 2013

Broke the beer mold today and had 2 glasses of Ecco Domani Pinot Grigio instead.  I’m waiting for Silenus, the God of Beer, to strike me down.  Apparently there are multiple beer gods (see http://socyberty.com/folklore/10-ancient-gods-of-beer/), but Silenus seems to be top god.  Frankly, I say whoever is paying the tab is top god.  Had a quiet late lunch/early dinner at Red Lobster with the hubby.  I prefer Joe’s Crab Shack, but I also prefer to have some money left in my wallet after a meal.

J. and his wife M., lent and/or gave (I can’t remember which) me 3 mystery books.  The first one, Faithless, has already been discussed in an earlier post.  I didn’t think much of Faithless and I think even less of this next book.

Compulsion (An Alex Delaware Novel) by Jonathan Kellerman, copyright 2008, published by Random House is another typical whojunit, except for perhaps the transvestitism.  Couldn’t say.  I don’t read that many mystery books but I am upping my count.

I had high hopes for this book as it had a much higher body count than Faithless.  However the brain cell count was at a minimum.  Ever read a book, reach the end and have to ask yourself what the hell you just read?  I had a definite what the fuck moment when I closed this book.  I know who died, I know who killed them and I know who solved the crime.  What I need is a side order of Why and the wine list. 

Before I discuss this book further (and it won’t be much further), I would like you to stop here and ask yourself what your definition of “broad daylight” is before reading further.

My definition of broad daylight would be during the day, say 12 noon.  The sun has fully risen and has not yet begun to set.  Thus broad daylight.  I found it interesting that in summary of the plot on the inner sleeve, we are told that a retired school teacher is stabbed in broad daylight.  Yet, when the moment came in the book, she was actually stabbed at 6:32 a.m.  The author was precise about the time of the stabbing.  6:32 a.m.  Nothing broad about that daylight.

And finally, just a few passing comments on our favorite detective, Nancy Drew.  I chose this book cover for a reason.  I won’t be covering this book on my blog, but I want you all to notice where Nancy is shining that flashlight.  Apparently the window must be hidden up the peacock’s ass.

In The Clue of the Black Keys, a criminal “leered triumphantly” at Nancy.  Definitions:  Leer:  An unpleasantly lustful look.  Triumphantly:  Having achieved victory or success.  When I asked Bing and Google to bring up images of a triumphant leer this was their best result.

  Seems more of an apathetic indifferent leer of triumph to me.

When Nancy, in The Mystery at the Ski Jump asks a hotel clerk for a description of a man who had just checked out, the clerk replies, “Oh, the usual type.  Small and slender.  Dark eyes.  Slick patent-leather hair.”  I don’t know about you, but I didn’t know that patent-leather toupees were sold.  Let me Google that. . . .  Well, I found a lot of patent-leather shoes and some patent-leather hair bows, but no patent-leather hair.  You would think this guy would be east to catch as that sort of ‘do must stand out.  He must cover it with a mohair hat.

The Man With The Iron Fists is our next Netflix pick.

2012 – Combining kung-fu action and hip-hop style, this martial arts thriller relates the saga of a Chinese blacksmith caught up in a battle between clans. Forced to defend his own village, the blacksmith channels primeval forces that make him invincible.

Like me, I bet you’re all looking forward to hearing about this gem!